Sassy Black Friend

“may the gods grant thee all that thy heart desires”

Dear Lost producers,

My heart desires that you stop fucking with my head. Thank you, and please move me in time to nex January.

XOXOXO,

Jen.

P.S. For reals.

If you haven’t watched the season finale of Lost, don’t click here.

P.P.S. If you talk to JJ, tell him he same goes for Fringe.Because there’s only one of my poor booze addled thought overloaded brain.

Laundry, laundry, laundry…

The saga of getting settled in the new house continues. Today was my first experiment using the washer and dryer. This became necessary because someone (me) accidentally put an open bottle of hand lotion (oops) in a suitcase full of clothes. Last night when I went to put them away I discovered it. Swell.

Anyway, I tried to get off as much as I could, stain sprayed the things that needed it, and let them soak overnight. I wasn’t optimistic, frankly. Once I got a break in conference calls today I went to the laundry room to get to it. Yes, we have a laundry room. It’s more like a big closet, but still.

Little did I know that the doing laundry part would be the hardest of the whole process. The washer and dryer are some suer energy efficient, rocket ship type things that I could barely figure out how to use. Like, I actually considered trying to find a manual. It was that hard. It took a good 10 minutes to work everything out. But the story has a happy ending. None of my clothes are ruined, and I can lord my mastery over the machines over the boyfriend when he tries to use them for the first time. Win/win! Read more »

5 Quick Things

Here are five things that happened to me today.

1. Some guy at Trader Joe’s told me he was “just chillaxing.” I would like credit for not punching him in the nose.

2. I got a little drunk without noticing at a client lunch at Commonwealth. Oops.  I don’t think they noticed.

3. The boyfriend lost his keys this morning, and called me 4 times to ask where I thought they might be. Please, I can barely keep track of my own shoes.

4. I noted that now that we live together the boyfriend calls me instead of just texting or IMing me. I wonder how long it will last.

5. I hear the phrase strong appetite suppressant three times randomly on the bus and the aforementioned Trader Joe’s.

Don’t get me started

You know how there are just certain things you can’t help ranting about? Like someone will bring up a topic and even though you’ve said it a hundred times, the words just come flying out of your mouth? No? Well, I do. And it’s almost always related to jury duty. I can’t help myself when I hear someone talking about getting out of jury duty just because. rives me nuts.

Partially because I was a criminal justice major in college, and because I’ve served a number of times and I know how important it is to get smart people sitting on juries. For reals. Besides, if my 22-year-old self could sit through a 5 month trial, your butt can stand a few days.

All that being said, this was really fucking funny.

From Fail Blog, it reads:

Apparently you morons didn’t understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. I’m not putting my familys wellbeing at stake to participate in this crap. I don’t believe in our “justice” system and I don’t want to have a goddamn thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dogs balls than sit on a jury. Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the f–k alone.

Too late friends, too late

Yesterday morning the boyfriend and I were awoken at 7:30 am by a very nice FedEx guy with a giant box. Like, we could both climb inside and hang out comfortably giant. Big. An addressed to both of us.

We couldn’t actually fit the thing through the front door, so we opened it on the porch. I was hoping there was a lot of beer inside, he guessed it was a chair. We were both wrong. What ha to be one of the world’s largest shipping boxes actually contained an insane amount of packing materials, newspaper, some pillows, and finally, at the bottom, a small vase.

Ha ha ha, right? Well, yes. Turns out it was a housewarming gift from J and her boy (shipped by him). Will try to post a photo later, because I really can’t explain how ridiculously wonderful it was.

Our girl Wanda kills it

Check her out at the White House Correspondents Dinner.

One nice thing about not being in DC anymore is not having to hide from the rush of drunk loonies after this event. Sorry L.

Too many great jokes to count, but “nipples,” “give her texas,” floozies,” “abstinence,” and “too much?” are definite highlights.