Sassy Black Friend

I Probably Don’t

Via Racialicious, and her blog, Tami points to Aunt Jemima’s Revenge, about marriage and black women. There are all of those studies about how we can’t get married, and are sad and lonely, right? But Tracy notes:

Yet every time I look around black women are single. And I mean single, not alone. There is a difference. Plenty of black women have healthy and hearty dating lives. I just wonder why black women getting to the alter still seems to be an issue.

Well, I think it’s an issue because it keeps black women as something to pity. Like, no matter how good you think you have it, you’ll never get a man to stay with you. All women get this treatment to a degree.

And

Spare me all the stereotypical excuses, lack of good black men, black women are too picky, too educated, too mean, etc….. Something else is going on here. Tell me what do you as a black woman think about marriage and I mean what you really think! Other folks are more than welcome to join in, but I am not responsible if you say something out of turn that strikes a sista’s nerves.

Coincidentally, this is something that’s been on my mind a lot recently. The boyfriend and I have only been dating six months, but I guess we’ve passed some kind of invisible threshold, and are getting questions constantly. I’m as much in love with him as I can be for someone I’ve known half a year, but we are nowhere near ready to even start having that conversation.

I’m sure a lot of this comes from my childhood. My parents were both extremely busy, often working late and traveling. Once I was old enough to stay at home alone for a long time, we were all ships passing in the night. Lots of trips, sleepovers for me (due to us living 15 miles from any of my friends) and tons of work for them. This might have been hard for a lot of people, but I think our relationship actually flourished because of it. And that continues to this day. I like them both very much as people, and enjoy talking to them whenever I can. But we’re not all in each other’s business all the time. And that’s how I like it.

Then there’s the whole black thing. A lot of my family members are shocked that I’m not dying to lock my boyfriend down. As soon as they met him, we turned into some kind of Terry McMillan book. I found an educated, handsome, kind black man, better stake my claim before he disappears. Sorry. If we’re a good match for each other in the long run, we’ll stay together, get through the hard stuff. If we’re not, we won’t. I guess that could seem cold, but I don’t think it is. I think relationships should provide companionship, emotional support, and fun. If those start disappearing, you have to get it back or get out.